Bursting the Bubble

I've always meant for this blog to be an honest account of this year and I think today I've gotten a dose of more honesty than perhaps I wanted.  This morning I picked up the results of a survey completed by most of my students about my class.  As I read through the tabulated responses, and then the comments, I felt as though my bubble had just been burst and immediately began to feel myself ready to go on the defensive.  I know that I am good at what I do and I work very hard to provide my students with engaging, interesting lessons about science.  I also try to connect with them in whatever ways I can and support them as they learn about science and how to do this high school thing (I teach 9th graders all day).  I suppose I should put things in perspective...a majority of the feedback I received was really positive, but it's that handful of negative comments that hurts most.  It doesn't matter which students these responses came from, I just know that I need to eat this slice of humble pie and try to do better next year.  With that in mind, there are three weeks until I say good-bye to my current group of students and I have some finals to prepare for.


This is a sort of addendum to my post, written two days later...
Since I've had a very relaxing weekend with lots of time to ponder these darn surveys, here's where I'm at right now on this subject.  I realized that in the intensity and fury of this year, there are things that I have really neglected in my classroom and with my students and times where I just pushed through rather than stopping to see how things were going with the kids.  One kid wrote that I am moody and I suppose there are a good number of days where I'm feeling really rushed and stressed so that's how I come across.  I knew after I came back from Venice that I'm not always the Queen of Nice (especially when working with some students who are less than pleasant to deal with, or ninth grade craziness) and I have really tried to work on this.  Another student noted that I need to control my class better (I laughed at this because after teaching ninth graders for 5 years in the States, I have a definite vision of what chaos in a classroom looks like and these kids don't hold a candle to my craziest class).  One said that they hated that we deviate from learning science too often.  Yes, I know that there are times where I let discussions go off topic because we've stumbled across something interesting...science related or not.  I've learned that those "off topic" opportunities are where I find out the most about kids' interests.  My classes are not challenging enough for some and we move too fast for others.  I don't give enough extra credit, or the opportunities are too easy or unfair.  I think I have just had a vision of what raising a family is really like...you never can please everyone no matter what you do, and I have to come to a point where I'm okay with that.  


The comments that I took most to heart, and am still reflecting on, were the responses centered around questions asking whether the students feel that their teacher treats them fairly AND another that asked if the students feel their teacher respects them.  Several students disagreed, or worse, strongly disagreed.  Some wrote that I favored some students and not others.  This is always a struggle because there are always going to be students that I connect with easily and some that are difficult to connect with at all.  I was pretty much always the kid that connected easily with my teachers because I totally dug the school thing--yes, I was a nerd and I liked the success I found at school.  I'm not ashamed to admit that a few of my close friends today were once my teachers.  These were people that I liked and respected and who blessed me with their support and mentoring.  While I don't see my current students as "friends", I know there are some who I'll probably still be in touch with after we part ways and I think that's pretty cool. 

I found this picture hidden behind another in a photo fame earlier this year.  It was taken on my last day of high school with my chemistry teacher (who is still one of my close friends).

 So, my biggest challenges/places for improvement for next school year are these:    
1) To work on really connecting with every kid in some way (I have a million ideas of how to do this and can't wait to start trying them out).
2) To be sure my expectations for achievement in my class, and my expectations about the social and emotional abilities of my students, are fair but kept high so that they always have something to strive for.
3) To get more sleep and be on my game with planning so that I'm not feeling frantic every minute of every day or exhausted and cranky.
4) To work on giving my students genuine praise and feedback that will support them as learners and help them to work on their weaknesses.  Interestingly enough, I just had a conversation with one of my students who is bright but not particularly motivated in some of his classes.  He told me that he was having a hard time because he felt that no matter how hard he worked or how good the quality of his work was he never received the positive affirmation he needed to keep him on track and moving forward.  He said that he often felt that no matter what he did, it just wasn't good enough so he stopped trying so hard and just did enough to get by (at which time his teachers scolded him for not putting forth enough effort and wasting his potential).
5) To realize that no matter what, I am not perfect and I will never be the perfect teacher for every student.  I have to keep doing what I do best and make adjustments as necessary.  There is something that I have chosen to keep from my students--the fact that 90% of the time I feel like hell.  There is nothing forgiving about IBS and sometimes it is pretty darn difficult to strap on a smile when it feels like my digestive system has been turned inside out.  Maybe I just need to let the kids know when I'm having a rough day...perhaps they'd understand.


Working with teenagers is such a challenging, amazing, crazy job--I guess I don't realize how much impact I can have on their lives until they are given a chance to tell me.  Being a pretty sensitive chick, I take what they have to say to heart.  To close out the year I'm going to have my students fill out the "Science Legacy" forms that I'll read to next year's incoming students during the first week of school.  I've done it every year since I started teaching and I think the advice the outgoing kids have for the newbies (especially the outgoing ninth graders words of wisdom to the incoming freshmen) is priceless.  I tend to get some pretty funny responses...perhaps I'll post a few:).