Blossoming Seoul: Lessons from Venice: Day 6

This is without a doubt the most difficult day to reflect on and I wanted to record all of the feelings that were overwhelming me while they were still fresh, so I penned a journal entry while I was sitting in the airport in Istanbul. Here's the day in review in its raw form and the tough lessons that came from it...

Thursday morning was tough for me. I was totally exhausted from working in the studio until 3am and emotionally wrung out. I had been working really hard on my piece and Antonella kept giving me these looks as she walked passed my workstation. Any of my teacher friends can understand what "the look" means...I give my students the same look when they are in trouble or I'm unhappy with them. I told Antonella this, but I'm not sure she understood.

Although I really enjoy being a student, it has been several years since I've been a true beginner at something or tried to learn something so foreign to me (perhaps with the exception of attempting to learn Korean, but that's a story for another blog post). I was really bummed out that I wasn't feeling a connection with my teacher and that most of her comments consisted of "work faster" or its equivalent in Italian. I've always aimed to please and I have always had good relationships with my teachers throughout my academic career, so feeling like I was being labeled as the "bad student" really (for lack of a better word here) sucked. This was the second day I'd been experiencing these feelings and I did what I am really good at doing...turned inside myself. Usually this just appears to those on the outside that I'm really quiet and focused, but inside this causes me serious emotional turmoil (back to the self-doubting bit). I decided I needed to drown out everything going on around me, so I popped my earbuds in, turned up Jann Arden and Eva Cassidy on my i-Pod (my soothing music), and worked. I needed time to process and evaluate the situation. I think God had a huge lesson for me here...okay, maybe several, but I'm still working through what to do with them.

For the first time in a long time, I was truly put in the place of my own students who are trying to learn new things and connect with me. I experienced what they do when their teacher fails to acknowledge them as individuals and praise them for their achievements. I understood why motivation wanes when a teacher overlooks a kid who is seeking attention. I wanted to feel valued and noticed by the person I was looking to for guidance and whose expertise I so respected. Aside from this, I realized that I have a really deep desire to connect with people who happen to pass through my life. I need to remember these feelings, keep them raw and close by so I will be constantly reminded to work on connecting with ALL of my students. I need to give less "looks" and more praise. I need to have more patience. I truly value my students and the incredible contributions they make to the world around them--I need to tell them, affirm them, and support them. It's amazing how something so small can turn into something so big...and how little it takes for my own insecurities to creep up inside. I am enough...I just need to remember that (I'm feeling a new sign for the office coming on) and be sure that my students know that they are enough too!

On the plus side, I figured out what I'd like to do in my post teaching life! Mirta, the student coordinator and translator who has been with us all week, has what I see as the "perfect job". She gets to interact with interesting people, be in a creative and artistic environment, and use her skills to help others learn. All I need now is to master a couple more languages and find the right opportunity. After being exposed to so many conversations that I don't understand, I've decided that I want to study Italian. Hearing two people conversing back and forth reveals what a beautiful and passionate language it is. In fact, I would love to do this language learning in Venice--spend a few months there doing nothing but mosaic work, wandering around the city until I've discovered every hidden alley, and studying Italian. That is definitely something I would have to save up for over the long term, but these days I'm of the mindset that if I can conceive of it, I can probably accomplish it so all I need now is a game plan.

Thursday afternoon was the one day that we ducked out of the studio at lunch time to do some sightseeing. Murano and the Basilica San Marco were our two targets. It was a beautiful and sunny afternoon, and since I was so tired I was really glad to be up and moving. Murano was quiet, cute, and a good distraction. We walked, looked, and shopped for a little over an hour before hopping back on the vaporetto to Piazza San Marco. Here are a few of the highlights from Murano:

Cruising across the lagoon.

A happy vaporetto passenger.

Murano and glass go hand in hand.

A fire lookout tower with an interesting sculpture in the foreground.

Looking a little closer.

Viva Italia!

All of the glass furnaces were relocated to Murano a century ago to protect Venice from fire.

Mosaics!

More mosaics!

On our way back to Venice.

By the time we reached San Marco we had all of 30 minutes to explore and marvel at the absolutely incredible mosaics inside. All I can really say about the experience is, "WOW!" I added up all of the hours I had spent working on my 40cm x 30cm piece so I could try to conceptualize just how long those amazing mosaics would have taken and the result was mind-blowing. There was so much history and culture to take in during our short visit meaning I'll definitely have to go back for another look when I visit Venice again. The floor of the church tells a story in itself of how the land is shifting and changing with the water that surrounds it--the floor has formed undulating waves and it feels as though the marble is flowing beneath your feet. The rule inside San Marco is no photos, so I obliged but I did capture a few shots of the mosaics outside just to give you an idea of the grandeur awaiting inside the church.

Approaching San Marco from the side.

The belltower in Piazza San Marco.

Pure and glorious mosaic work!

Incredible

A flower in mosaic tile.

The mosaic over the entrance to San Marco.

A close up of Jesus.

There's no way I was about to do this!

Vile vermin!

Me in Piazza San Marco!

Looking a little worse for wear, but happy to be out and about in Venice!

I love the details....from the Basilica San Marco.

One of my favorite shots.

Classic view across the lagoon.

The sun going down in Venice.

We finished our outing with another visit to the Hard Rock Cafe for some salads before we headed back to another late night in the workshop. Mom had a triumphant moment sometime around midnight when she finished completely her first mosaic piece! Lucia had also made good progress in our absence and completed her first piece too. I still had a lot of work to do. Like the night before, Astrid and I cranked up some ABBA songs and kept at it for another couple of hours until my brain felt thoroughly mushy and I was forced to head to bed. Despite the exhaustion, the emotions of the day still weighed heavily and I knew tomorrow would be another day full of emotions as we ended our course and said good-bye to our new friends.