Pondering the Future

I just finished updating the blog with photos from my family's visit to Seoul.  In the week and a half since they left I've been completely exhausted and struggling to make it through each day.  I have felt unprepared for my classes (don't get me wrong here, I still plan!), unfocused, and unmotivated.  When I have a lot on my plate I tend to respond by drawing inside of myself and trying to sort things out--this is exactly what has happened.  Add a nasty cold to that and you've got my week in a nutshell.  

Today I sat down with my principal to start talking about next year.  I had received the "recontracting discussion" email almost two weeks ago and had successfully avoided thinking about it because I simply wasn't ready to deal.  My conversation with Kevin today went really well--overall he's pleased with my performance and offered me the opportunity to continue my contract for a term of 1, 2, or 3 years.  All of this is excellent news and not unexpected, but now this officially puts the ball in my court and it is time to make a decision.

It's funny...at this time last year I was ready to sign up for another three year term...now I'm just not sure.  I consider myself to be a very rational thinker.  I am also a first-class planner.  At the moment my rational, planning mind seems to be malfunctioning.  So I am using the blog as a place to put down my thoughts and seek clarity about this large decision.  Here are the facts:

On the job front...

• I am technically still employed by Spokane Public Schools and am on my final year of a leave of absence.  I am not guaranteed a position at Ferris High School (my former school) if I choose to return.  In fact, I may be placed in any open science position in the middle or high school anywhere in the district IF there are any open places.  It is still possible that I will get rifted in the Spring when the district does staffing for next year.  I really did love working at Ferris and I miss my colleagues and students, but life has gone on without me and I have accepted this.
• I am really spoiled here.  I have access to seemingly limitless supplies for my classroom, my class sizes are no larger than 21 students, I have wonderful colleagues, my students are lovely, we have a lab assistant to do lab prep for us...I do not have the same sort of job related stress that came with constant management issues, students with terrible family situations, etc.
• It has been my dream to live and work in Europe at some point in my future and staying abroad opens up so many more opportunities to make connections with teachers and administrators all over the world.  I'm still praying about the timing of this possibility.
• If I choose to return to the States, I will be taking a significant pay cut from the overseas salary and benefits to which I have become accustomed.  On top of this, I'll be paying for my own living expenses again.  I should note that I would be returning entirely debt free.
• I do feel at home in this international community--I love working with people from all over the world who have different perspectives, bring new teaching methods, and who challenge me to grow.  I am also living and working in a spiritual community, which I very much enjoy.  I can explore my faith alongside my friends, colleagues, and students.

On the personal side...

• Having my family come for a visit this month has reminded me how far away 6,000 miles really is.  I can no longer jump on a plane and go "home" for a weekend visit.  Realistically, I get to see my family and friends twice a year.  Is that enough?  I haven't been really homesick since I arrived here, but there certainly are times when I want a break from Korea and long for the familiarity of my home country.
• If I continue working overseas I can afford to travel to anywhere in the world that my heart desires.  I feel like travel has really been my best education in the last year--I have learned what I am capable of, I have met wonderful new people, and I have started to figure out who I am and where I want to be.  I can still travel if I move back to the States, but certainly not to the same extent that I am presently.
• I worry that if I move back to Washington or Oregon that I will allow complacency to set in and I won't be as compelled to challenge myself.  I am a home-body...home is always comfortable and I have to make a concerted effort to get outside of this comfort zone.  Here I see people going, doing, and learning all the time and I am inspired to do the same.  This year I am able to be both student and teacher--I still work full time but have the finances and the time to take the classes I need to maintain my teaching license plus work towards the goal of learning a second language.  My schedule is jam packed, but I have the support I need to manage this schedule.

There are so many things swimming around in my head, but these are the main thoughts that keep coming to the surface and that I've got to sort through before I make a firm decision as to what the next few years of my life will look like.  I have been prayerfully considering my options, and I am certainly open to thoughts/comments/advice from all of you who know me!