Just Breathe

Today is quite possibly the most challenging day I have faced in a long time. I felt pelted with crappiness from all directions. I would liken it to the feeling of running through a clearing and being hit over and over with rocks thrown by people hiding in the woods on both sides of the clearing. This hurts and I can't breathe...

Rock #1: I've been experiencing a bout of insomnia (this is not unusual for me when I'm very stressed) which means one horrible night of sleep after another. As you can imagine, my mind and body are both exhausted. Today, that exhaustion allowed me to sleep through my alarm and wake up twenty minutes before I should have been at work. Thankfully I had everything packed and ironed, so it was just a matter of showering and running out the door. I made it to work by 7:45 and was quite happy to find that my parking spot was still empty (a miracle in itself). Breathe...

Rock #2: Before dashing into the shower I realized that my treasured ring gifted to me by my grandma before she died had gone missing. With limited time to search, I left my apartment with a naked finger feeling a small wave of panic (it was at this point I discovered my garage had been open all night long too, although everything was still there). After hours of searching every conceivable spot in my apartment, I located the lost treasure in a place that I had thoroughly searched at least a half dozen times. Breathe...

Rock #3: This one really does involve rocks, er sort of. During my prep period I was walking back to my classroom with an armload of copies and I stepped down onto some uneven concrete and my pants (which I was told by a student today looked schlumpy) and proceeded to fall face first onto the cement. By some miracle there were no students around to witness the embarrassing encounter with gravity. I was also quite shocked to discover I had not damaged my clothing or my face in any way. Praise God for a semi-soft landing and a good cry to clear my head. Breathe...

By the time I arrived home to my apartment today, I felt overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated by the day's events. I know all of these feelings are the direct result of being pulled in too many directions--trying to complete my ProCert, preparing for the move to Korea, staying focused on my current job, getting ready for a surgery on Friday, volunteering for one too many committees, hosting my parents this weekend...I'm sure I could add more. Breathe...

Overall, I am just feeling smothered and it is definitely time to do a life inventory and weed out what I deem to be unnecessary. Despite the terrible day I've had, perhaps the timing is perfect. The pastor at the church I visited this last weekend spoke about Jesus as the vine and the importance of pruning and nurturing the vine in order to produce fruit. "Are you experiencing a fruitful life right now?", he asked. Easy answer, not so much. For the time being, I just need to remember to trust God...and breathe.

I suppose it is fitting that the first song on my i-Tunes playlist is called "Just Breathe". Here are the lyrics...

A storm is coming, but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds
All that I know is I'm breathing

I want to change the world, instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me
But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing

Now...
Now...
Now...
Now...

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing...now.